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Can You Please Review My Paragraph?

Email Software Discussion

Can You Please Review My Paragraph?

Postby Geovanni » Mon Oct 09, 2017 10:20 pm

This paragraph is for a poster about General Franco and I need some constructive criticism...

Franco was a fascist leader who unified Spain through a totalitarian state, although he was more traditional and religious in outlook. The largely mixed ethnic group, including French, Middle Eastern and Arabic, at the time, were not respected throughout Spain. In fact, thousands of people, who were not of the Catholic or Christian religion, were executed during the early months of his regime in an attempt to ?purify? Spain.
Geovanni
 
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Joined: Wed Jan 08, 2014 5:34 pm

Can You Please Review My Paragraph?

Postby Hekli » Thu Oct 12, 2017 10:04 am

Franco, a fascist leader who unified Spain through a totalitarian style of government, was very traditional and religious in outlook.
At the time, largely mixed ethnic groups, including French, Middle Eastern and Arabic, were not respected throughout Spain. Thousands of people,who were not of the Catholic or Christian religion were executed during the early months of his regime in an attempt to ?purify? Spain.
Hekli
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Jan 08, 2014 3:53 am

Can You Please Review My Paragraph?

Postby Radeliffe » Sun Oct 15, 2017 12:11 am

After the "," in the first sentence it get's a little choppy. Other than I think it's great
Radeliffe
 
Posts: 28
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 5:30 pm


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